Hitomi's Tale
by Aura StarSinger
Summary: A prisoner on another world, Hitomi is only the pawn in a final effort to restore the planet's population. Servant to an ancient emperor Hitomi finds her saving grace's in the arms of another captor. Now she must escape her memories and save her daughter.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter one:

Chapter one: Today

**Author's note/ Disclaimer: **I don't own Escaflowne, its characters or the book I mapped this fanfic after. I enjoyed a novel called the "Hand maiden's tale" and I wanted to extend it into the Escaflowne world. It's written in first person from Hitomi's point of view. As you read you will see some familiar characters pop in and out but the main focus is on Van and Hitomi. LOL bizarre but its short so I hope everyone will enjoy it. Please be kind when reviewing; this is my first first person story.

I watch as I see someone in the garden below me. I watch as she trims the flowers and the bushes, not that there is much foliage this time of year. It's cold and snowing; winter has come. How long have I been here now? I tried to remember. I walked over to my bed and lie down. It will be hours until I am allowed to leave even for a short while.

I arrived at the beginning of summer; myself and several other girls. Why had they taken us I wonder? This was not home, it wasn't even Earth. At night I stare out the window and look up at it; that is how I know. I stare up at my ceiling now, it's a boring white color with a faded image painted on it. I cannot tell what it is or what it use to be. If I squint just enough I can pretend I see different shapes and things, like that maybe use to be a mirror. I remember back home some people liked that sort of thing, mirrors above there bed and all. I didn't.

I remember the way the ceiling of my bedroom looked that day, and days before. I remember the last time I looked at it before they came. I was lying in bed; I could feel Amano's warm breath on my neck as he slept. He always could sleep through a thunder storm. Only we didn't know it wasn't a real thunder storm. It was them; the invaders. I stop staring at the ceiling now, I don't feel like remembering Amano or her right now. I can't even say her name, not out loud and not I my mind. My daughters name; I try to remember how she looked. I can see her there scared at the edge of my bed; not this bed the one back on Earth. She is crying; she doesn't like the thunder. I let her crawl in with us. Now she will know she is loved and safe. I pull the blankets up and she falls asleep, no fuss. I didn't know that I was so happy then, anything is better than this place.

There is a knock at my door. I open it. I am instructed to go to the hall. The messenger leaves and I close the door. I am already dressed, neck to ankle in a blue dress, long sleeves and flat blue shoes. I put on my elaborate head dress. I can see out of it, but I wonder if anyone can really see in. I wonder if anyone can ever see me. I am a ghost, a prize; I am a concubine. I am an alien here wherever here is and therefore I am taboo, not to be touched or acknowledged unless it is necessary. I open the door and head down the hall. It is the only hall I am allowed to walk or use, it has blue carpet so I know that. There are no signs, no art, and no images at all of what I would think of a palace. Yes I am in a palace and I cannot look around, explore or wander, I go to the hall. I never encounter anyone on my way, only if it is one of the maids and they are not allowed to talk to me either.

The hall is big, there is art in here, elaborate floors, chandeliers, and people laughing and drinking merrily; freely. I take my place on the floor sitting on my knees beside the wives. I am not allowed to talk to them, and they do not talk to me. I sit in a spot designated for me by a blue square of fabric. Sometimes I wonder why blue? But I suppose it doesn't matte why that was the color they wanted. Although I wonder at times if it is the emperor's favorite color or if there was a surplus and there was no other use for it. I wait; I always wait, I will be last. I watch discretely as people come and go seeking advice from the withered old man in the chair. I guess it was actually a throne and sometimes when I first arrived I would distract myself by looking at the gold and the jewels encrusted in it.

After a long time; and I don't know the time because there are no clocks, the other wives leave. I am not married to the emperor but my body belongs to him. He wishes to speak with me. All others clear out. He is not strong or well I think. His body is withered; his skin bares the scars of a long life and many hardships in health. When I look into his eyes which I am not allowed to do I see a man longing for death, hanging on for who knew what reason. He manages a smile.

"Are you well?" He inquires. Yes I say. He nods efficiently. Then I am dismissed, that is all. He had me sit for hours to inquire about my health. What I really think he means is are you pregnant yet and I am saying no in my own way. At least he was nice to me. I head back to my room back out the invisible door and through the empty blue hall way. I enter and take off my head dress. I take off my shoes and stockings. I go to the washroom; all I have is a toilet and a sink, nothing else. I push up my sleeves and moisten a small square of fabric. I use it first on my forehead and then on my feet. I rinse it and leave it. I go back to the window. I look down again hoping to see the lady in the garden snipping away at the branches and twigs. She is not there. I lay back again; I remember a winter during college.

"Get up we're going skating." Yukari said. I shook my head.

"I'm terrible at skating; I want it to be spring so we can go running again." I am on the track team, women's division. I like winter; we're always broke so we eat a lot of soup. On the cold nights Yukari and I pack all of our blankets onto one bed and sleep together. It's like a slumber party; that was before I married Amano. I knew him then though.

"Come on, Amano will be at the rink." She winks. "I can guarantee it." She says. I give her a playful slug.

"Yukari you didn't." I'm embarrassed. I run and get ready checking my reflection in the mirror several times. I've made sure to wear mascara and lip gloss, I fluff my hair, I wore it short and sporty.

I don't have a mirror here. We are not allowed to have glass, even the windows are made of plastic. It doesn't matter I am not allowed to wear make up, or style my hair; it's getting long now, I don't really need a mirror. I can't wait for bath day; it's one of the only things I have to look forward to.

I climb into bed tonight it's been a day like yesterday, I try to close my eyes. I hear Amano's voice.

"Did you lock the door?" He asks me. I feel him lift the covers and climb in beside me; his body in warm and toned. He pulls me into his embrace even after he asks this.

Yes I say, I couldn't remember if I had or not. It was before the baby. We fall asleep to each other's heart beat.

I am back in my room, its night; it's silent and I am alone. I try to sleep, not to dream just to sleep.

"Get up sleepy head." I hear Yukari. I open my eyes; no one is there. I get out of bed if I am not ready by breakfast then I will be beaten. I dress in blue; I pull on my stockings and shoes. I sit on my bed and wait. Eventually a tray of food will be brought up to me. I look around the room. I dreamt about him again last night; Amano.

My room is empty; I have a bed, a closet and a chair. My windows have curtains and I have a rug on the floor. I am not allowed to read or write and this saddens me.

"Will you take a look at this for me when you get the chance babe?" Amano asked. He passed a manuscript my way, he was so clever. He was writing for a new network. I lifted it from the table.

"Can you take Aki to school for me?" I ask him. He kisses my neck one cup of coffee in his other hand. I smile. I smiled a lot back then. He nods.

"No problem." I hear Aki singing in the bathroom. She's only five and she sings in the bathroom. "She's just like her mommy." He laughs. I look over the cover page of the manuscript.

"Are you going to give me a heads up?" I ask. He shakes his head.

"It's a surprise." He laughs and walks toward the bathroom. Aki comes running out and hugs him around the legs, that's as high as she can reach. She's getting bigger every day; she's growing up. I flipped open to the first page of dialogue. It says Enter a man on a park bench I sigh "great another script on the philosophies of life." I tell him.

"Hey my demographic is older married and retired women. What else am I going to write about?" I know he is joking.

There is a knock and I go to the door. I find my tray sitting outside. I bring it in and set it on my bed. I sit down and set it on my lap. I have a cup of fruit juice and an egg like substance. There is bread; it must be a universal food. I eat it slowly. This will have been one of the few things to do, I savor the activity; the food tastes bland. At home I never ate breakfast, or very rarely. I was busy, a mother a wife and a nutritional consultant for Olympic and other athletes.

After the food is gone I set the tray outside. I wash the cup in the sink in my bathroom. I don't have to do this, but I chose to because it is a choice I can make. I feel like I have control over something I feel powerful. The maid comes and takes it away; she never says anything. I wish sometimes she would look up and give me a nice smile and greet me; just once. I go back to waiting. An hour or two passes and a knock is at my door again. I put my shoes on, this time I am sent out for a walk. I put on my head dress, its heavy. There is no one in the hall but I know it means I must meet with my walking partner and get in the only exercise I am permitted. Down through the depths of the structure I emerge from an old door way and out into the cold afternoon air. Today my walking partner is a woman with blue eyes. I have walked with her before; she is kind. Sometimes she talks to me but only if no one is around.

"Cold morning." She says as I wave. She nods and we walk on. I do not think she is like me, she does not wear blue and does not have to live in seclusion but she must be covered up while she is with me. When does summer come on this world? I pray it is not eternally icy.

"Yes." I agree. There is no one around as we exit into the small village. The village is made up of the families of the palace workers. These people have small gardens and trees and animals like chickens. There are no children anywhere. I remember that is why I am here, that is why many of us are here; though I have not seen any others in a long time. Children; that's why we were taken; they cannot have children. The emperor had many wives but no children. The way they went about it was all wrong I thought. Yes fertilization could produce offspring but copulating with a shriveled old man for twenty minutes each month was hardly going to do the trick. I remembered it was almost that day; the one when he would spend the night with me. At least I get a bath I thought for comfort.

We walk along for a while down to a gated canal. Then we turn back. We may take one or two of the three paths mapped out for my exercise. "Do you serve the emperor?" I ask. The woman nodded.

We all serve the emperor; I am not in his personal ring of associates I am of a different social ring. I am married, but I have no children." She says, I could have guessed at the last part. "If I fulfill a number of hours serving in this way then the emperor will grant my husband and I a body to have a child." She smiles at this. That's all we were; a borrowed uterus. I am a little disgusted at this new knowledge; I hope she does not come again tomorrow. We are back and I hurry off to my room. I arrive and my lunch is waiting.

I sit and eat and stare out the window. There is always a man; I see him many days he is tanned and has dark hair; he is a runner. At least I call him a runner because he was always running everywhere. I would like to meet him someday. It takes me longer to eat lunch because it is boring. I want to leave it for the maid to take but I will be in trouble; they want my body healthy. I could flush it down the toilet…I thought. I didn't though. Eventually I finished it and left the tray as usual.

In the evening I am summoned by the first wife. She is attractive, not old; none of the emperor's wives are old looking. She is exotic with pitch black hair piled on her head with ringlets hanging down. Her eyes are almond shaped with dark lashes and a honey color. She talks to me sometimes, because I cannot refuse and she likes to insult me. I don't listen when she does. Instead I slip away. I'm back at the ice rink with Yukari, we see Amano. He waves us over for cocoa at the small concession stand.

"I had them give you extra marshmallows'" he says. I want to kiss him. I do kiss him; he blushes. I missed kissing, I missed being touched. Maybe Amano is back on Earth thinking about me right now. I sigh in my head because I cannot where I am. Maybe he is waiting for me.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter two

Chapter two: Night with the Emperor

It's bath night. I get to use the large tub and scour my body with scented soaps and wash my hair and oil and moisturize my skin. I feel luxurious; this is the first time I feel sexy. I like that word the way it rolls off of the tongue and the way it sounds to the ear pleasing and holding a hint of eroticism. I have to get out after a while there is someone knocking. I dry off and put on a robe. After I am covered I am guided to the bed room. It will be a while, I must always be waiting. I dry my hair more. I like the smell of it when it falls to my shoulders. It is that time. He will be coming soon; I must prepare.

I go somewhere when he is inside me, on top of me breathing me in like a rejuvenating fragrance. He can hardly function properly. Sometimes if he is tired someone comes in and moves his body back and forth to keep things moving. I don't care I'm not there.

Amano and I meet after the track meet; we are the last to leave for the might. He's captain of the team, I like that. He asks me to wait, he runs to catch up. I'm headed for the showers. He talks at first, he's nervous blushing even. I don't remember much of what he said I just remember that first kiss. I felt his mouth on mine and his tongue moving around in my mouth with my tongue. He was the first boy I ever kissed. I liked it. We didn't part ways; we went back to the showers together. He snuck me in and I hid in a stall. I remember his hand sand his kiss and the warm water running down my skin. I liked his long hair; he scrubbed my back and rubbed my sore body. I'm there with him that first time when I'm with the emperor. When he touches my body I don't feel it, any meeting of flesh or fluids is beyond me.

I snuck Amano back to my apartment that night. I didn't tell Yukari; I knew she'd understand. I pull him into bed with me, I'm wearing his large t-shirt as a nightgown and we hold each other and talk until there is nothing to say and we fall asleep. I love him, my Amano.

Another cycle has come and gone; I am still not pregnant. I don't really care, but they are impatient they don't understand why. One month passes the same, two months pass, and then three. Still I am with Amano at night in my apartment back on Earth. Then it happened. I woke up and was summoned before breakfast; they had brought in a specialist. He was a tall man with blonde hair and a lean frame. He was professional, he examined my vitals, took my blood, ran his tests; there was nothing wrong with me; but he could not imply that there was instead something wrong with the emperor. Surely he would be killed. News came soon after that two earth women had given birth to healthy children and the spotlight fell on me. I was an it and it was my fault. I'm not trying hard enough I could hear them whisper. The specialist felt sorry for me. We were alone one day, something that rarely happened.

"I could help you." He said quickly. I looked at him through the eye slit. He was serious. "It's not your fault, I know that and you know that." He was handsome, but something inside me said no.

"That's okay I'll keep trying," what was I thinking the Emperor could never get me knocked up; but I felt like a trader for even thinking about the offer. If I slept with a man not my husband and not my forced captor then would it be wrong? I felt sick inside.

Spring came and I had a new walking partner; a cat girl. She was short and bouncy. She talked and I listened, though she talked about nothing really; it was still nice to here someone talk. I guess they didn't like that though she didn't last long. What was her name? I remember now it was Merle. I had liked her company she knew the runner; the one I could see from my window. He would wave or give a quick smile every now and then, but only because she was there. I still see him now and then. His name was Van; and he did a little bit of everything. It was his punishment to serve. His family had been part of a resistance faction during the destiny wars and now he was a slave.

"A slave." I said, just like me. I was summoned in the spring time, still no baby. It was then that I became aware. I was sitting in the first wife's parlor, she was pacing.

"I know he is old. I know you are not from here; but I cannot have a baby unless you do." She said. I could see something of panic in her eyes, in her movements. Was there a party behind the scenes putting pressure on her or was it her own biological clock ticking as mind was? I felt sorry for her. I almost wish I could get pregnant. I wanted to help her. And then she said it the first breaking point in my comfortable illusion. "I didn't want to tell you this, because it is a cruel thing to do." She began. She bit her fake nails. "He's dead you know. The man you were with." I felt something silently shatter inside of me.

"What?" I ask; she must have misspoken.

"He's dead; your mate." She said it again. It stung at first but it couldn't be true could it? "I'm telling you this because I have seen you, like you go somewhere when you are with the emperor." It was common knowledge that the wives were allowed to sit in on the fertility ritual. They were even allowed to join but they were repulsed by the thought. I would be if I were them. "It's not a good thing to do." She said shaking her head. "You might go too far away one day and never come back." She said. "I will make you a deal." I was listening now, she had my attention. "If you give me a baby then I will let you see your daughter." She said.

"Aki is here?" I questioned confused. Maybe she too had been taken away that night; it was hard to remember clearly. She nodded.

"I have arranged for you to spend time with a man; a man I have chosen because I own him too." She said it like we were carry on baggage. "Will you agree?" She asked. I wasn't sure.

"I need some time to think about it." I said. She shook her head.

"No I need to know now." Her voice grew scared as though this was a meeting that wasn't officially happening and wasn't suppose to. I regretted it in that very second.

"I'll do it." She seemed relieved.

"I'll tell you more later. Now go and speak of this to no one." She shoed me away. I fled back to my sanctum and had my breakfast. After wards I met with my walking companion. We walked through the village and down to the river. It was funny when she leaned in and spoke to me.

"I have news from him." She said covertly. I was confused but she continued. "We are working around the clock as we speak to help you. We have a man on the inside." She whispered. We walked some more.

"How will I know him?" I asked. Any news of help was good news.

"You'll know he bares the mark of the dragon clan." Of course I didn't know what that looked like. We returned and parted ways although I was eager to meet with her again tomorrow.

A few days later it happened. The unthinkable. The first wife met me returning from my walk. She ushered me through hidden walk ways and corridors until we were somewhere I had never been before. We may even have left the castle. I walked toward a dimly lit room with a chair and a glass window. She took me to the window and I looked inside. Among several other children I could see her. She was taller now she must have had another birthday. She was wearing a blue dress, her brown hair was in pony tails and she had his eyes. I don't think his name too much now; I'm trying to become detached. I saw her and I began to cry. I didn't know if the first wife could see or hear it, but I fell apart under my blue shroud. They were holding my daughter captive….no they were holding my heart captive. She was laughing I would have died to hear than melody. After several minutes I was led away. I was panicking but the first wife prevented me from staying; I had to go. I vowed to come back.

I wondered then as I sat on my bed if her blue dress was like my blue dress and my fate hers. Or if the window room was the same set up that was provided for the emperor and I during copulation. She explained it all to me before she departed and left me alone in my hall.

"It's all arranged, I will show you where to go the night after the fertility ceremony. He'll be waiting for you." She said forebodingly. I nodded submissively. I wondered for a brief moment if it was that specialist, but then he wasn't under the first wife's control per say. A servant maybe. My mind tried to remember what some of them looked like, the only complete image I could get was the one of Van the slave like me.

I lie back I want to know that its all a lie, that back on earth Amano is waiting for me and Aki. Damn I said his name; I promised not to say his name.

I remember again. We're there in bed and Aki is scared of the thunder. She crawls in and falls asleep. The thunder continues. I hear it grow louder and louder; it doesn't sound much like thunder to me. Then I think of that night long ago and I go to check the locks on the door. I push aside the bed spread and stand. I walk to the foyer and the front door; it's locked. I head back to bed some of my fear subsiding. Its still there like an itch, that irrational fear. I can't give it a name but I hurry just the same. I crave the comfort of my bed and the safety of my family. Nothing can get me if Amano is there, no boogie men, no ghosts; but then it happens.

Glass shatters through out the house. I see them in suits; like armor. They are kicking at the bedroom door. We're all awake now. Aki is in my Arms as Amano pushes the dresser in front of the door. It doesn't stop them. Amano holds us, he protects us. When they come in through the window in the bedroom he stands in front of us. Like black beetles they fan out and one of them rushes forward slick with rain and slash. Amano falls to the floor. I'm there holding Aki tight we're hiding now in the corner by the bed. Maybe they won't see us; but they do. I hear her scream, she's calling me, and she's scared I can hear the frantic shrill of her voice. We're separated all of us. I struggle I scream, and then it all goes black.

I wonder now; did Yukari get taken. She lived pretty close to us. How many did they say it totaled who knew? The people of Earth would have found out, would have fought back; that's what humans do. They survive. They would have stopped it; but what about us here on this alien world; subject to this punishment? I fall asleep, I don't see Amano, or Aki or Yukari; I am alone. I will survive. I don't forget my vow.

The next day is the same though m walking partner didn't show up so I had to return. The day went by slower. I counted how many more days until the next copulation. Not long. It was never as long as it seemed. This time would be the last time. It had to be or I might die.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter three

Chapter three: Illegal proceedings

**Author's note: ** **Warning **this chapter is lemony. And I want to mention that I wrote all for of these chapters between 11PM and 4AM so please don't be mean.

I guess I got side tracked for a little. Nothing went the way I had foreseen. It was of course the same with the emperor; actually lamer than usual, it took two men this time to lift him. I felt ashamed and disgusting. He was an invalid why did this have to keep going? It was hard this time to block it out, to push away the room and the smells now that Amano was gone. I couldn't focus; I guess this is what they call heartbreak.

She was waiting for me right before dinner; she had delayed my food to tell me this.

"It's alright you shouldn't have sex on a full stomach anyways, you might look bloated or fat…or worse you could be gassy." I thought of the emperor some times he smelled of fecal matter and unpleasant odors I blocked out. She guided me down a near by hall I was surprised how close this was turning out to be. That confirmed that I was living in a servant's room but also that others lived a similarly bleak existence. She pointed to the end of a hall; she said the last door on the right. I walked patiently the door was not that far. I was outside it in no time at all, I felt uneasy. Who would it be? I was filled with fear. I knocked. I heard footsteps coming my way; I took one last look at the first wife before I was guided in. The door shut. I looked around. The room had more furnishing than mine, I could see into the bathroom he had a shower, he had something of a small kitchen too. His room was a bed and a shelf full of books. I saw them and the thoughts of everything else floated away. I was drawn to them like candy. They were a forbidden substance and it made me desire them more. He must have been watching me as I floated over to them. I picked one up and examined it, and flipped through the pages.

"You know that's against the law." He said. His voice was warm and silky. I looked up seeing him for the first time. It was him, the runner; Van. I nodded.

"I know, but then so is this and still I'm here." He had his arms across his chest, it was bare. His muscles were toned, his arms looked strong. I felt something when I looked at him that I hadn't felt for a while now. I was still wearing my head dress. I apologized.

"Don't be sorry, its habit right?" He chuckled when I nodded. He came over. "I've imagined since the first day I saw you what would be under this, and I knew…" He trailed off pulling the heavy fabric off my head; my hair falling like locks of chocolate. "I knew I wouldn't be disappointed." He finished. My heart beat fast I felt naked in front of him, my face exposed. He could see me and my face he could look into my eyes Would he get lost in there with me if he looked too long? He touched my skin. It felt so nice, so warm, and so illegal. It was a thrill all of its own. He was a gentleman by as a slave he too had been denied human companionship. I wasn't sure how things would go. He wasn't like Amano, but still I trusted him because he could see me, the real me.

"I," I started to say, but he shushed me with a finger to my lips. How strange, when deprived long enough the slightest contact was exhilarating. He kissed me. It was a good kiss, I liked it; okay maybe it was a great kiss. It was full if hunger and passion and all the things that were building up inside me. I kissed him back, I wanted to kiss him more; drowned him in them. His lips tasted good, so did his ears and his neck. I felt ravenous. I could tell he was hard at work, I was probably distracting him. I felt the boundary if my heavy dress fall away. I still had so many layers between us. He pulled away from me.

"Let me get the light." He says. He's breathing heavy, is he pacing himself. It was true this may be the first and last time we have company. The lights go out. While he's walking back to me I chuck my stockings and shoes. I work at the fluffy layer around me Damn it was only hard to get off in a hurry. He helped me out. It was a relief like my body was breathing for the first time in a year. It liked to breathe, my skin. It was a live the dermis and the cells making up it. They breathed and drank and ate everything the same as me. I could tell my skin was happy with me, the way it tingled and prickled at the air and then the contact; his body and mine. I had been in a famine and he was a feast.

We made love all night; I knew I had to leave before the maid came with breakfast. I wanted to remember every detail I soaked I his image physically as well as mentally. Van…he was handsome, strong, he smelled good. I liked to hold him close to my breasts; I wanted to be a woman, a real woman like I had all my life until coming to this place. He made me feel that way again. He worshipped me lulled me and held me. I told him everything; I released it all; about home about my old life; my real name and anything that had become a secret. He would listen in the dark; I couldn't see but I knew the way a woman knows when a man is listening. I brushed back his hair while he slept. I never could sleep after a good go in the hay. I laughed no one really ever said that. That was something of old earth and writers and television and scripts and actors; and I was none of them.

The sun must be coming I thought. It always came too soon or too late. I liked lying there, I liked his musky smell, and the way he breathed when he slept. It was then that I saw it; the mark on his shoulder blade, like the shape of a dragon. He stirred, and I fell off the bed. He laughed as he opened his sleepy eyes, his bedroom eyes and pulled me back up. He didn't have any big t-shirts for me to wear but I had wrapped myself in a sheet. He laughed as he pulled me back. I felt so vulnerable. "Can I help you out of that?" He inquired, he was adorable. I nodded, how could I be shy? I looked to the peep of sunlight making its way.

"I suppose there's time for one more." I lied as I climbed under his blankets there was time for a lot more. After that there was time for a shower. Then it ended. I dried my hair, put my clothes back on, gave him a farewell kiss and departed for my room.

It was like that. I thought. That was the way we were all the time before I knew about Aki. Amano and I were like rabbits. I laughed that was a crude earth phrase. It was true. I patted my flat stomach. Could there be something yet? I wanted there to be. I suppose that's what side tracked me. I knew where he slept; there were no guards in my hall or his. I dared, I was courageous, I might die either way, why not? Two nights later in the dark I crept back to his room. I flushed my dinner, something about that gassy thing stuck in my head.

I knocked on the door. He opened, and I came in. Our liaisons became a regular affair not that I cam every night, but almost. I couldn't stay away. I had to be pregnant; there was no way I couldn't be at this point. Until the middle of the month I would just have to wait. Okay so I hated waiting, that's what my life was composed of, waiting and more waiting. I preferred recreation; and so I ventured out and into Van's protective embrace.

Back in my own room I could still smell him, he was allowed to have his own soap and I used it. I would lie on my side of the bed and imagine him on the other side sleeping back in his room. I was enamored.

After two months it was a GO. All the extra late night work had paid off. It reminded me of college and the all night study sessions before a big test. This time I passed with an A and it felt good. Things were different now. I would lie in my bed, this was my baby, and my body; in seven months I would have to hand it over to another woman, another mother. I cried sometimes. I didn't visit Van as often, they were giving me more sleep time than before and mostly I sat in my room melancholy. I had to get out; I had to break free from my cage; if not for my sake then for my child's sake. And then I could hear her again singing in the bathroom. "Aki." Her little voice echoed in my mind without refuse. I missed her, I missed him; I missed them both.

A month rolled by and I wasn't showing but I could feel the changes; it was like the time before Aki was born. I was happy to sneak out to Van at night so he could sing lullabies and talked to his baby; the baby he would never know. The baby we would never raise together. "It's a cruel set up." I said one night. He grunted, he was asleep. I kept staring at the mark on his shoulder. He was the one; he was the contact who was going to bust me out. I wanted to ask him, but what if I was wrong, what if it wasn't him? Then again how many men with dragon tattoos could exist? I sighed I ignored it.

The worst was when the insomnia came, I couldn't sleep at night, the phantoms of my past haunted me, and the prospect of Aki's future as a woman in blue plagued me. That's when I braved it. I didn't care anymore, I needed to taste freedom and not just on my little walks out side. "Van." He was in the shower with me, he was washing and I scrubbed his back. I thought I was beginning to look disgusting. He told me I didn't' repeatedly. "Your mark on your shoulder.' I thought this was delicate but I needed to know. "Tell me about it." The request was innocent enough. He kept washing; I ran my hand across his skin, kneading his tense muscles. I did not have as much strength as I once did.

"It's the sign of my clan, the dragon clan." He said. "I wear it with pride, for my people and my country have fallen, my culture forgotten." He sounded alone. It made me love him more. Wait did I just think that? I love Van. It felt good; I decided to say it out loud.

"I love you." I watched as her turn to me and leaned forward to kiss me cradling my head in his hand. The washing could wait. I needed to be loved I needed to be reminded that life would go on after this. That things would work out alright.

I don't think as much about them anymore. I still see them in my mind the way that they were perfect and in place. Yukari and her jokes, her friendship; Amano and his tenderness, his shy love that keeps me warm and Aki with her sweet eyes and her hugs that melt away the sorrow. I see them sitting in my house on game night; I see them when we have holidays and parties. I see us changing with the years. We get older; we get grey and more wrinkled. We still love each other, all of us; we are a family.

"Would you like to know the sex?" The doctor asks. I shake my head.

"No, it is never going to be mine why would I want to know?" I'm a little bitter. I sing to the baby at night songs I remember songs my mother sung to me and I sung to Aki before she was born. I tell the baby stories and recite poems and tell it about my old life and the relatives it will never meet. I suppose I'm apologizing too. In my head I plan out what I would say if I could write the baby a letter. I'd start it off like any other letter.

_Dear baby,_

_I love you very much. I am your mother and you have never met me. I have green eyes and brown hair. I am from a place called Earth. You have a half sister named Aki and she loves you very much._

I always start to cry by that part, of course that is if I'm not already crying. I try to keep going.

_We wanted to keep you, it's what we wanted but you are gone and maybe grown. You are probably like your father strong and empathic. He is a good man; he has a healing touch and a beautiful soul. He loves you too. We want you to be happy; we want you to succeed and to know you are always in our prayers and thoughts._

I added the part about prayers and thoughts from a greeting card I'd read. The letter always ends the same.

_I'll love you always,_

_-Momma_

It was silly but it was how I passed the time inventing these letters and I had several going in my mind. I have to get out, I can't take it anymore. If they want this baby they'll have to pry it from my cold dead hands. Okay that's a little dramatic but hormones make you feel dramatic. How many moths to go?


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter four: Escape

Chapter four: Escape

**Author's note: **It goes by pretty fast but I hope everyone is enjoying this or at least having a laugh. I'm terrible at comedy but I think the slightest things are comical so let me know how I' doing.

Still a few months to go; I can walk but I get tired and my feet hurt. I can't believe I'm already there, that point where your feet swell and your back aches and you just can't get comfortable. Winter has come again; it must come early here on Gaea. Now I know what this place is called. Now I know for real that it's not earth and that the blue moon in the sky wasn't just a hallucination.

I like the cold when I'm pregnant it off sets the heat of another body huddled inside me. I feel hot all the time now. I feel so tired. I miss Aki? She'll be seven in a few months; I missed the end of five and most of six. Does she remember me? I fear she has forgotten me, and Amano and out apartment. Perhaps I have just become a dream she has at night, lost and forgotten that woman who quells her fears in the thunder storm. I want to hold her, I need to hear her. I think the baby needs to hear her too. I'm making this up, but it feels like an itch.

"Tell me about her", I begged one day. I'm not supposed to talk but I couldn't bear it, and I was keeping up my end of the bargain. The first wife had a compassionate look that flashed quickly by.

"She's a ball of energy. Smart too." I am happy to hear these things, I wonder if she is lying but I don't think so. And then I get the impression that this woman is having visitations with my child and I am jealous. "She likes to sing." I can't help but laugh. She always did I think. I cannot talk but I listen. What I really want to hear is some hope, some evidence that I have not been erased. I want to here the terrible things like that she cries out for me in her sleep, that she needs me and that she wants to go home. I want to wake up tomorrow and have her lying beside me safe.

We part ways. I sneak to Van's room that night.

"I have to get away." I said; I've gotten into this habit of holding my belly when I talk. I feel it's my way of protecting the baby from when I talk aggressively I fear for brain damage. "I know you can help me. Please." I plead. I'm still wearing all my clothes for a change, we're abstaining these days. He paces. I thought he knew I knew. He looks stressed and sad. "Please I can't go on another day…" I'm going to cry, I hate the crying it comes randomly now. He sits with me on the bed, he holds m shoulders. "I'd rather die than live without her…either of them" I look down, I was fond of the child and it didn't even have a name. "Help us." I wanted to say come with us but that might not be part of the deal. I still loved him; I wanted him to come with me. "We don't have to go back to earth, just some where that's not here." I say. He kisses my forehead. I'm hoping that's a good sign. He walks me to the door.

"You take to many risks, be more careful." He shuts the door. I'm confused. I go to my bed. I sleep for a long time. I dream; I don't want to dream, but this time it's a happy dream, it's the future. We are sitting out in the garden the four of us. We are eating sandwiches and Van is playing games with Aki. I'm holding our baby; it's a boy. Wait there's something else; another one on the way. I hate being pregnant, but I'm so happy. This gives me peace. I imagine the flowers and the animals in our garden. It's all so beautiful.

I hear a noise in the night. It's a voice in the ceiling. I wake up terrified. The vent opens and Van drops down into my room. He not alone; there in his arms is my daughter. I want to cry for joy. She's quiet is she asleep? He sees my look.

"Don't worry it'll wear off soon." He tosses some clothes onto my bed. "Hurry put these on." He says as I strip down as fast as I can. He is breathing heavy. I put on the clothes; it feels strange to wear other clothes. He and I sneak out of the blue hall way and to the door I take to the walking path. There is a cart full of hay waiting. Underneath the straw is a secret compartment. I feel my eyes go wide.

"You think I'm going to fit in there?" I ask incredulous. He shakes his head.

"You just feel bigger than you actually are." He pushes me toward the cart and helps me climb in. His hands shove my rear and I try not to resent it. He lifts Aki in to me, now there is no room for him.

"Van." I panic we can't leave without him. He shakes his head his eyes dancing.

"Don't worry about me, I'll come for you. They've set up a system to smuggle you out to the free lands. I'll get away. Don't worry." I agree, I still have that image of us in my garden with our children. He touches my face maybe for the last time. I catch his hand in mine.

"It's a promise, I have my heart set on three kids don't you dare let me down." He grins that eager grin. I feel warm inside. He shuts the compartment. Farewell I think. "I love you" I say through the wood. I don't know if he heard me, I haven't said it in a while. _I love you Van_

We went through a number of safe houses before we reached the mountains. Every day that went by was hard. Luckily when Aki came around she remembered me like her life had been just a dream until she saw me again. We are happy together. We sit some days in the yard of are small house and watch the sunset waiting for daddy to come home. I hold our little boy; he looks like Van, except he has my green eyes. Months pass and the seasons change. And then like a ghost from the past like a breath on the wind I hear my name, my real name for the first time in a long time someone's calling.

"Hitomi."


End file.
